“We were young, we were wrong
We were fine all along
And if there’s somebody calling me on
She’s the one
Yes she is now, yes”
Karl Edmond De Vere Wallinger
In the olden, olden days when I was a lowly travelling salesman traversing this wonderful pre-motorway country I became quite knowledgeable about the facilities in most villages and towns. As there were no motorways, there were no motorway service areas offering deli counters, pizzas, fried chicken, burgers…or clean toilets. Instead of service stations we had garages and if you stopped to fill the tank, and then wanted to empty something else you had to ask for the key to the toilet. You didn’t ask if they had a toilet, unless you were in Cavan, you knew they had a toilet, but every garage locked them. I never established a satisfactory reason as to why they bothered to lock them, as they never seemed to have anything to steal, including toilet paper, and sometimes toilet seats. But lock them they did, and to make sure you didn’t run away with the key, they usually had it locked on a chain and the chain was bolted to either a lump of wood, a wheel rim, the large tooth of an excavator or a breeze block.
Nowadays when I drive anywhere in the country that I haven’t been to in a long time I immediately get a flashback to either a shoe shop or sports shop that I once dealt with, a hotel or bar I had lunch in or a garage where I asked for the key to the toilet, and what the key was attached to.
As my Soulmate and I drove through Mountrath last Thursday I had a flashback …key chained to a crowbar.
Unusually for us we arrived in Castletown for the wedding before it had started. We passed our friends Declan, Jamie and Georgie as they walked into the church, the boys waved to us and Georgie gave us an obscene finger gesture that Eileen was shocked at. I always forget to lock the car, and usually leave the keys in it in case I lose them, so just to be on the safe side we parked in the Marian grotto and then made our way to the church. Teilo , the groom, was outside smiling, as he always does, and greeting everyone. Eileen gave him a hug and wished him well. I gave him a hug and asked “So it’s still going ahead ?” and he laughed, thinking I was joking.
We only met Teilo and Ger for the first time on a Good Glow running trip to Arosa in Switzerland, a year or so ago. By sheer good fortune , on the last leg of our train journey up the mountain from Chur the only two seats free were either side of the aisle, so Eileen sat with Ger and her divine sister Catherine, and I sat with Teilo and his divine friend Colm.
During the race I found it tough but I soldiered on, smiling despite myself at the grandeur and magnificence of our surroundings. I was trudging to the top of the highest hill in our race when I started to meet some of the real runners heading back down..smiling..the bastards ! I received high fives and cheers of encouragement, and then witnessed Shane’s assassination attempt on Annette. He’d flown a wee drone over the runners and was bringing it in to land when he crashed it into the back of Annette’s head.
Oddly this cheered me up , and I ran on.
When I got to the top there were a group of our runners already there. I thought, Jeez, this is some group, they all waited to make sure I was OK, and I was about to thank them and say it wasn’t necessary, that they should go on, when Telio dropped to one knee and proposed to Hooban #1, aka Geraldine.
OH MY GOD !
The cheers and outpouring of sheer joy from the rest of us is a memory I will treasure forever.
We’ve all become firm friends, and always find a way into each other’s company since then in Killarney, Glendalough, and Lake Garda. The only person we’ve ever met who is happier , and makes us happier, than Teilo , is Ger Hooban. We were honoured to be asked to go to the wedding, and then ecstatic when we found out that we’d be joined by a veritable Harlem Globetrotters selection of other Good Glowers.
As soon as we entered the church I started to look around for a seat that wasn’t too close to the front, or in range of the videographer so I don’t have to pretend that I’m listening, but Eileen had spotted our gang and headed off in their direction. We sat beside Jamie and Georgie, and behind Maura and Ronan, Shane and Rebecca, Eugene, and Davy and Sandra. Everyone turned and smiled, nodded and shook hands. I noticed that Jamie seemed to have forgotten to wear socks with his lovely loafers and whispered “I have a spare pair in the car, do you want me to go get them ?”.
He snarled, called me a Culchie , and questioned my parentage. For my non-Irish readers, Dubliners, while not looking down on each other, look down on everyone from ‘the country’ , and call us Culchies.
Declan sat beside me, I was actually in his seat, he’d just been out to the toilet ( no key required). I was still smiling to myself at my ‘no socks’ jibe and told Declan about it, he laughed and said he’d asked Jamie the same thing and that Jamie hadn’t taken it well. This was already shaping up to be the best day ever !
We were all busy chatting when the atmosphere gradually changed and got quieter, as we all sensed that we were in the presence of a living saint…the bridal party had arrived. They paraded individually up to the altar and then, to the accompaniment of Brendan and Grainne Gavigan performing The Pogues ‘Rainy Night In Soho’, and our hand on heart Aaaah…isn’t she lovelies, Ger was escorted through the church by her Dad.
The wedding ceremony was a traditional Irish Catholic wedding ceremony, and you would think ‘How could it be different to any others’, and yet…
The church itself , although a common enough late 60’s or early 70’s re-modelling of an older church had the most magnificent , large, plain , floor to ceiling windows behind the altar. The church was flooded with natural light , and there were a few trees growing out there that swayed gently in the wind. It was stunningly beautiful and much more spiritual than stained glass windows. Another quirk of the Irish Catholic church is that each diocese can operate different ‘rules’. The order of the ceremonies are always the same, but some diocese insist on various housekeeping rules, while others have evolved. In Clogher, Monaghan’s diocese, no eulogies are allowed in the church, no flags are allowed to drape coffins, NO CONFETTI, and no heathen popular music , or any hymns written after 1876 are allowed. Thankfully Ossory, is not like that, and throughout the mass we were treated to beautiful, meaningful songs that we knew and loved. At one point, after communion, Grainne sang Elton John’s ‘Your Song’. I have always preferred Ellie Goulding’s version, and have always cried when she sings it. Grainne sang it better still. It was so beautiful that I’ve almost forgiven her for fraternising with Hugo Duncan. I may have mentioned before , but as a young man I worked in Mullan Mill and the staff Christmas parties were organised by my mentor Liam Stirrat , whom I loved. But Liam was cursed with a love of Country & Irish muzak, and one Christmas booked us all to go to the Christmas Cabaret in the Four Seasons Hotel in Monaghan, where the act was…Hugo Duncan. But this was surpassed in awfulness the following year , when we attended the same cabaret, but this time the ‘entertainment’ was ‘Philomena Begley sings Patsy Cline’…yes Patsy Cline, the weeping willow lady. The image of grown men , wearing coloured paper Christmas cracker hats, crying into their pints will always stay with me.
The priest , Fr.O’Gorman, was , like the church windows behind him, magnificent , large, plain , with a floor to ceiling presence, that flooded the church with warmth and every word he uttered was beautiful and spiritual. He clearly knew the couple well and made the whole ceremony particular to them. He also didn’t stand on ceremony, and it may very well be the most concise wedding I’ve been at. This is not a bad thing.
It took a long time for everyone to file out of the church, as Teilo and Ger were greeting everyone individually on their way out, but we were in no hurry, as we all caught up with each other. Annette and Jim appeared from the other side of the aisle where they’d been hiding , which sparked a whole new round of hugs. I wandered down to where Brendan and Grainne had been performing to say well done and saw that Fr.O’Gorman was sitting there already complimenting them on their playing, which was , again, a simple and genuine gesture.
When we eventually made it out of the church and congratulated the couple I hugged Teilo and said ‘Well done’, and then I hugged Ger and said “It’s still not too late to change your mind, we’d all understand.”
Outside we all chatted again for a while, but more loudly, and then we all made our way to the Heritage hotel for the reception. I’d never stayed there before, this whole area around Portarlington was quite literally fields when I used to ply my trade. But WOW ! It was such a nice place. It screamed five star, and yet you weren’t afraid to touch anything , or felt that you had to wipe your feet before you entered. We checked in, gorgeous room, and then rushed downstairs to the bar to commence the festivities. I was shocked to find Davy Keogh there already, as he is renowned for his terrible sense of direction, and then remembered that Sandra was with him , so she must have driven. Before I even had a drink I told someone that I loved them. This person had previously told me that they loved me and then would give out to me when I’d reply ‘of course , why wouldn’t you’. So I made a point of clearing that up straight away. And no, it wasn’t Eugene. Eugene and I have always loved each other, have always known, and always will.
We chatted to Maura and Ronan , the Good Glow ‘Posh & Becks’ , about our kids, Belfast and Jamie’s lack of socks. Maura laughed and said “Ronan’s not wearing socks either.”
“Oh I know, Maura, but he can carry it off.”
It was one of those rare Irish wedding occasions where it was sunny enough for us to drink outside…and take bajillions of photos of each other. Colm was semi-on-duty ,being married to a bridesmaid , Theresa, and father to a flower girl , but we still managed to squeeze in a pint together as we were being called in for the meal.
There were 16 of us from Good Glow, so it was an impossible task for Teilo and Ger to sit everyone at my table, so I imagine they drew lots, and Annette and Jim, Ronan and Maura, Georgie and Jamie got to sit with Eileen and I at the Premier Good Glow table, and the Gavigans, Eugene, Shane and Rebecca, Sandra and Davy sat at the Division 2 Good Glow table. They tried to slag us from their lower ranked and poorly positioned table saying that they were the ‘fun table’, but they kept coming over to ours to bask in the craic we were having. At least that’s how I remember it. Before the meal was served we had the traditional parade of the Bridesmaids grooving to their table wearing extra large comedy shades, while we all stood and applauded, and then did the same as the Groomsmen all marched in wearing umbrella hats, as we all, as one, started swirling our napkins around our heads, while the happy couple waltzed to their places. Jamie looked mystified so I said “Welcome to a country wedding, Mr. D4 !”.
The meal was amazing. If it had been served to me in The Ivy, I would have said it was wonderful. The quality of the food and the care and attention of the staff was fantastic throughout. We felt sorry for the poor wee chap who had to keep refilling our wine glasses , so Ronan and I went to the bar to buy a couple of bottles of Rioja. At the bar they said they’d have to get them from the cellar and would be a few minutes so I asked Ronan what his favourite short was “Amaretto, but Maura will kill me if she sees me.” I ordered two and said we’d drink them at the bar. So we did. There was a wee CEO fella on a podcast this week bemoaning the effect that three glasses of wine had had on him for a week afterwards. God bless him, if he’d have been at our table he’d have been dead before we’d had our desserts.
The only people who look forward to speeches at weddings are the in-laws and the happy couple, but for completely different reasons. The in-laws love them as they are a chance to settle scores uninterrupted, and the happy couple are looking forward to having them finished. Every single other person in that room on that day dreads them.
But this was no ordinary wedding. Some digs were indeed thrown by Mr. Hooban relating to the gestation period of the engagement, but they were thrown and caught in good cheer. Teilo’s speech was funny, charming, and heartbreaking…honest to God Ellie Goulding level. He mentioned that someone had asked him if he was nervous about making the speech the day before and he’d replied that no, everyone in the room was either someone he loved, or someone he really, really liked.
I can say, without fear of contradiction that everyone in the room loved him and Ger.
He mentioned that he’d even invited his union rep to make sure everything went smoothly. Tributes were paid to his friends, his family, and Ger’s family…with a slight threat about the control he may now have over deciding which nursing home his new mother-in-law may end up in. She laughed nervously. He paid tribute to the bridesmaids and said that thanks to them he didn’t even rank in the top five of his new wife’s list of best friends. And he thanked his groomsmen for doing very little, but looking great while doing it.
When he talked about his own childhood and his Mum and Dad, there was a hushed silence as everyone just smiled back at him. His stories of holidays and his father’s reluctance to ever book any accommodation in advance, were endearing.
He talked with love to bursting point about Ger. I was so impressed , Ellie Golding level impressed by what he said that I badgered him into giving me a copy of his notes. So rather than me mangling it, this is what he said.
“She reminds me to be a better friend while she is a great friend to everyone without having to be told, she has a knack of levelling my mood which is not easy at times and she makes me a better person every day! Geraldine is everything to me and I couldn’t be happier than seeing her walk down the aisle to me today! We go everywhere together and do everything together and she puts the light in everything we do! I love you with everything Geraldine Maher!!!”
We shook the roof with roars to that !
After the speeches the normal lull until the band start was filled with good heart to hearts. I’d only met Annette’s partner Jim briefly before and we hadn’t really spoken, but sitting beside each other at dinner and after we talked about our families, our parents, our good taste in music, and our damn fine partners. It was certainly one of my many priveleges of the day to get to know him.
Another highlight was Brendan coming back from the candy cart with a sugary jellied snake that he was convinced was the same colour as my shoes. He was right, and we have a photograph to prove it.
And then the band started…
I don’t think I’ve ever danced as much at a wedding in my life…including my own. They were an eight piece band, with a brass section, called The Pearly Whites, and they played for almost three hours and not once had they to ask people out onto the floor, it was always full. I danced with flower girls, Good Glowers, Ger, Colm, Teilo, and an elderly uncle, who also gave me a peck on the cheek. But the person I danced with most was my Soulmate. She is a groover and I love dancing with her, because no one is looking at me. Any time we said we’d sit down for a second, the next song would be even better than the last and we’d hop back up. We weren’t alone.
Finally at around 3am the music stopped and we joined the Premier and Division Two tables together and all sat there exhausted. Someone asked where Davy was , and Shane immediayely looked panicked, knowing that a 42k hike with Davy had ended up being a 51k hike when he was in front. Just before we got up to search for him he arrived back at the table with a Brennans White Sliced pan, a tub of butter and seven packets of Tayto , so that we could have crisp sandwiches. We devoured them. On our way to the residents bar I was about to thank him, thinking that he’d nipped out from the hotel and found a shop open and thoughtfully bought them for us, until I spotted a large table in the bar with a dozen sliced pans, butter and a mountain of Tayto. So I just complimented him on finding his way from the bar back to our table.
We went to bed at 4.
Heading home the next day, and passing through Mountrath, I didn’t think of a key chained to a crowbar, I thought of Ger in her gorgeous dress and Teilo’s smile.
That will be my memory any time I pass that way again.
Toodles,
Paul
P.S. This is just for Ger and Teilo, ‘She’s The One’
P.P.S This is for you , Your Song
P.P.PS. And this is for anyone who’s ever wondered what is it like for a man to have a mammogram…yes it’s the audio of an older blog…and certainly not a podcast.
