Paul vs.Paul

“What we once thought we had, we didn’t
And what we have now will never be that way again”

     ‘We Call Upon The Author’ – Nicholas Cave / Warren Ellis

As a family we had occasion this week to all be in a warehouse together stocktaking. That would rank as #1 on a list of things my 17 year old self would have sworn he’d never need to say. As we were leaving the warehouse Jake mentioned someone that we all love, let’s call him Lazarus, and I immediately said “You know I love Lazarus, but , my God, he just can’t help getting himself involved in unnecessary arguments.”

It is not unusual for my kids to smile together at something I’ve said. It’s not unusual for them to groan. But it is unusual for all three of them to burst out laughing at the same time.

“What ?” I quizzed.

“You ! You of all people talking about unnecessary arguments.” Jake replied. Robyn and Elliott just kept laughing.

It was either at my stag weekend, or McGloin’s , it’s hard to tell as both took place around the same time, and both were in Ballyshannon. It was 1997, or possibly ’96, and we were arguing about the most important political , philosophical, cultural, and soul defining subject of that time. Yes,, correct, Blur or Oasis. That was it. I believe I took some by surprise by arguing for Oasis. They’d all assumed that I’d be firmly in the Blur camp. And I was. I liked them both. I’d just felt sorry for Oasis as the argument started and everyone lese seemed to opt for Blur. Although I think everyone swapped sides at least once during that evening…

“Yeah but Country House was terrible !”

“Actually, you’re right, ‘Roll With It’ should have been #1.”

“True , but ‘The Universal’ trumps anything on Morning Glory…”

I think by the end of the evening, or early morning, we were all roaring Champagne Supernova over and over until the grumpy landlord chased us to bed. Now that I think of it , it was definitely McGloin’s stag weekend , as we stayed in a hotel where we’d told them that we were there to play golf when we booked it, forgot, then when we checked in the owner/manager/grumpiest man alive, asked where our clubs were and we said ‘What clubs ?’. Come to think of it he may have only been grumpy after that….or when Frank asked for vodka and 7up for breakfast.

I have at various times argued both for and against the existence of a historical/fictional figure of world changing significance who’s attitude to life and spirituality has made the world a better place.
“Jesus ?”
I was thinking of Dr.Seuss, but Jesus wasn’t a bad chap either…allegedly.

I have argued that Futurama is vastly superior to The Simpsons.

Harvey is a better film than The Shawshank Redemption.

Jungle Book is better than any Pixar movie.

Any Pixar movie is better than any Dreamworks animation.

Jonathon Livingston Seagull is better than any of the 16 Gospels.

Coke is better than Pepsi, but neither comes close to a Club Rock Shandy.

Downings is better than Rossnowlagh.

Blasta Burgers are better than 5 Guys.

Van Gogh is better than Picasso.

Banksy is better than da Vinci.

Neil Gaiman is, narrowly, better than Phillip Pullman.

Matt Smith is the best Dr.Who WITH the provision that Jodie Whittaker hasn’t had a long enough run yet.

Star Wars is better than Star Trek.

The Beatles were better than the Stones.

Colm Keegan is almost as good as Patrick Kavanagh.

Rioja is better than Malbec.

Muji pens are better than Pilot pens.

Drumlin Giants are more interesting than Fairy Doors.

Running is better than cycling, yes it is you shiny-assed speed freaks !

I’m not saying one is better than the other but I listen to a lot more Nick Cave than David Bowie.

Dog Day Afternoon is better than One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.

Zywiec is better than Tyskie

Robyn’s friends preferred my playlist to hers at Bondofest 2020.

Moretti is better than Peroni.

Guinness is.

Chris Brogan is friendlier than Gary Vaynerchuk. Both are friendlier than Seth Godin.

Monaghan is the True Centre of The Universe.

Batman is better than Superman. Neither can hold a candle to Mr. Incredible.

Mushrooms are not a fungus.

Tee shirts are more than clothing.

People go into politics for the best of intentions. They just stay too long.

No religion is better than any other, some are simply more mature, as in older, not necessarily wiser..

Dogs are better than cats. “But you have two cats !” Exactly.

Wombats are better than pandas. Both are better than platypuses, honestly Elliot !?!

Things were not better, you are just older.

Calvin & Hobbes was the best comic strip.

Most of these arguments take place at our family dinner table on a Saturday night. You’d be surprised at the depth of feeling some people have both for and against wombats. At a certain moment my Soulmate will catch my eye and she gives me that look that says “Seriously ?” followed by a half smile and then I just say “Anyway….” and the subject changes.

So what is the hill that you will die on , and why ?

There may be a mystery prize….

OK,, I know the suspense will kill you, there IS a mystery prize for the best reply.


P.S. Here is Sigrid with one of the best performances at last years Glastonbury, ‘Strangers’. Keep an eye on the wee girl in the front row. The song means so much to her. Oh my heart !

Author: paul

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