Croissant !

So, as I announced last week I was finished up as a coach to the Phoenix Athletic kids, this Tuesday evening found me…coaching the Phoenix Athletic kids. Damien, a real coach, with his own whistle,  was required in the gym, where it was lovely and warm, in order to take the kids through some new exercises and they needed someone to stand out in the cold with the 11-12 year olds. It was Baltic ! As I sent them off on a lap I played some Florence & The Machine on my phone to distract me from the cold. As the kids arrived back heard one girl ask another what song I was playing.

“He’s old, probably something from the Fifties.”

This was not the best encouragement as I begin my journey of ‘new things’. One ‘new thing’ is going quite well. I’m no longer eating and drinking for two, one of whom appeared to be Orson Welles. I have been faithful to improving my diet and reducing portion sizes. This is said with the caveat that I only started on Monday. Everything was going swimmingly until I happened to be in Dublin on Wednesday visiting the Hens Teeth store and absentmindedly ordered a coffee and a croissant. As I started eating the croissant I half remembered half daydreamed about a time I stayed with a friend and his partner in Swansea.

He lived in a little village near The Mumbles. I woke earlier than them one morning and decided to make breakfast. Across the road from their house was a little deli-bakery. I bought croissants, fresh orange juice milk, a newspaper, eggs and bacon and returned to the kitchen and made breakfast. He came downstairs yawning , smiled and thanked me for making breakfast, then he looked at the breakfast table :

“For f*ck’s sake Paul , are you trying to kill me ?”

“What ???”

“Croissants & full fat milk ?”

For a moment I thought that he was joking, before quickly remembering that he had absolutely no sense of humour, like Brendan O’Carroll.

“I don’t understand.” I replied shrugging my shoulders.

“I have high cholesterol !”

“How the hell would I have known that ???”

“You could have asked.”

“Why in the name of Jehovah would I ever ask someone, randomly, ‘Do you have high cholesterol ?’“

“You should have known !”

As you might guess we haven’t really spoken since. This popped into my head as I happily tucked into my croissant. How could anyone get so upset over a croissant ? And then something else occurred to me, someone else had recently mentioned croissants to me, Darren at our nutrition talk last week. I quickly Googled ‘Calories croissant’ and the lovely, gooey ,sugary blood drained from my face. 448 calories ! Bugger ! There goes lunch.

I’m not doing this to lose weight per se. I’m doing it to try something different. And despite the odd grumble, I’m enjoying it for now.


P.S. I bought the Robbie Robertson album again this week, I’d forgotten how magical it is.

Author: paul

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