“Wait, they don’t love you like I love you
Wait, they don’t love you like I love you
Maps
Wait, they don’t love you like I love you”
Chase / Orzolek / Zinner
We were living in Belfast on the day that the Twin Towers fell. I was at work down on Queens Island pioneering e-commerce with VoodooShoes.com , several years before anyone had broadband. My Soulmate was at home in Upper Malone Gardens preparing our nest for the arrival of Robyn. At lunchtime Eddie came running up the stairs shouting to everyone to log on to CNN or BBC news. Although broadband or high speed internet wasn’t commonly available, because we were in an old Harland & Wolff building we piggy backed on their internet connection, which was a spur off the North Atlantic sea cable system. Because they had built ships and oil rigs they needed to be able to send large CAD designs for repairs anywhere in the world at very short notice and by fluke of their location, they ended up with faster internet access than even 10 Downing St.
Jim, Talat and I all logged in to various channels and watched transfixed as black smoke billowed out of one of the Twin Towers. Everyone thought that it was an accidental crash from a small plane , until, as we watched in real time , a Jumbo Jet was shown flying into the tower. In that moment we all thought that this was a recording of the first crash filmed from a different angle and it took a few minutes for even the news readers to confirm that it was a second plane and that both towers had been hit. By 1.30pm we had been joined by James, Chris, Leighann, and Dave, all watching silently as people on the screens struggled to find words to describe what we were all seeing.
Eddie was the most worried. His brother had been working in the States for a number of years and owned his own scaffolding company. The last time he’d called home he had mentioned that they were doing a big job for a window cleaning contractor at the Twin Towers. Eddie couldn’t reach him on the phone. There were so many people trying to call in and out of New York that day that exchanges kept going offline.
Eddie left work to go home and keep his mother company until they heard from someone who knew him.
The rest of us stayed there in the upstairs office for the afternoon. We were operating an online business and eight DV8 shoe shops from this building. It was always a giddy hubbub of calls, chats, deliveries. The phone never rang that afternoon.
We had one car, which Eileen needed, so I cycled 3 miles in and out to work each day along the Lagan. Most mornings or evenings there were spots where I’d regularly see a heron, swans, ducks, water voles and I’d stop and stare , smiling, for a wee while. That evening I prayed the whole way home for Eddie’s brother and everyone else caught up in the madness. I don’t recall seeing a single other person, or creature. There wasn’t even the distant hum of traffic. Everything had stopped.
We hugged for a little longer than usual when I got home.
I read the Gruffalo to Jake , then aged 2, to get him off to sleep. Then I read it to him again. And then I made up a story about a boy called Jake who was very brave , fast , could talk to animals, especially rabbits for a very important reason I can’t quite recall now, and most importantly he could make his Mum and Dad very happy, just by smiling. Jake has always had a very endearing smile which has got him into and out of lots of trouble. In the middle of the story Jake finally fell asleep, but I carried on telling it to him anyway. I stayed there just staring at our little boy, smiling at him, smiling in his sleep, until Eileen came up to see if I was OK.
I followed her back downstairs and went to the kitchen to make us each a cup of tea. I picked up my phone , and saw that there was a text message from Eddie. I took a deep breath before opening it.
“Brother safe, finished job last Friday.”
My Soulmate woke me gently the next morning, before my alarm went off.
“Paul.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t panic.”
“What ?”
“ I said don’t panic, especially not like you did the last time.”
“The last time what ?” I said drowsily.
“The last time we had a baby…”
“WHAT ???” I sat bolt upright in the bed.
“See, this is exactly what I asked you not to do. Sssh now. Here’s a cup of tea. Take a minute. I want you to take Jake to Montessori, then come back for me and take me to the Royal. OK ?”
“OK…but what about..”
“I’ve already called and told them.”
“And the …”
“In the car.”
“But…”
“Jake’s already downstairs having his breakfast and watching Dora the Explorer.”
“OK….”
My only significant contribution that morning was that I dressed myself. I took Jake to his Montessori at the back of Kings Hall, explaining to the staff that I was taking Eileen to hospital. They were all very excited, and , as Eileen must have prewarned them what I’d be like they also said that I was coping very well.
My Soulmate was standing at our front door when I arrived back. She hopped in and kissed me on the cheek, squeezed my hand and said sweetly “Drive , my love…FAST !”.
I remember parking, walking, being in the way, smiling dumbly at everyone, and trying not to get alarmed by the increasing frequency of nurses and doctors visits and checks until someone , who may have been Eileen said, “OK folks, showtime !”. While now very definitely being in the way, no matter where I tried to edge to , someone said to Eileen, “Is he going to faint ?”, and in the midst of everything feeling an enormous sense of pride when she said “He didn’t last time.”.
There was some prolonged primordial groaning and some profuse sweating , but other than that I think I did OK.
My Soulmate brought our daughter into the world before lunchtime.
We called her Robyn.
The midwife said that she was a strong wee girl , and then looked me up and down before continuing “…just like her Mum.”
Eileen sent me off to buy a present for Jake from Robyn, which I was to conceal and smuggle into the room, so that when he saw her for the first time he would also get a gift from her. We had read this in a book somewhere about preparations for the first born on the arrival of the second.
When I arrived to collect Jake the staff asked how Eileen was getting on and when I said she’d had the baby an hour ago they were shocked that it had happened so fast.
“You’re shocked ???” I said, and they all ‘Oooohed’ and Aaaahed’ at me until I blushed.
Jake took it all in his stride…until he met Robyn for the first time.
He did like the present…but did not associate it with this Intruder.
For a long, long time Jake would ask “When is she going back ?”.
He stopped last year, on her 24th birthday.
I had planned to write today about Maps, the song by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and how it came to be, and how their first manager, Asif Ahmed, turned down all of the major record labels and advances of $1.5m before they’d even recorded their first EP, so that they could be themselves, and how there is luck and misfortune awaiting all of us, and none of this is shown on any map.
But then while making meatballs and spaghetti , not a success, for tea this evening I was listening to Andrew Marr’s show on LBC and he was talking to two survivors from the Twin Towers about how their day had unfolded.
Erik Ronningen, ex-military man, and security chief for the North Tower, was the last person to make it out alive of the south tower on September 11th. Asked by Andrew what message he has for people who remember that day, and those too young to remember.
“I would say to take advantage of every opportunity that comes our way. We miss so many opportunities to learn and participate in various things that we miss chances to be friends with our family and our colleagues. And we need to take a step back, like the old saying “Stop and smell the roses.”. I’ve come to appreciate considerably more in the last 25 years because our lives can change in the time it takes the second hand of our watch to tick from one second to the next.”
Then Andrew spoke to Joe Ditmar, and insurance broker, who was on the 105th floor of the South Tower, attending a conference in an internal room with no windows to the outside, with 54 others. Seven of them survived. Again , asked by Andrew for his reflection on that day, and his life since, he replied :
“ It’s actually been a blessing for me to have a better sense of priority in my life. There is no doubt that you learn very quickly that you can’t sweat the small stuff. You have to be able to live life to it’s fullest. Fortunately for me , with a wonderful family, a wonderful group of friends around me that I’ve been able to enjoy a better life than I’d ever anticipated. But it’s also something that stays with me every day.”
The day after that terrible day in September 2001 , our daughter Robyn was born into this world.
It has been a better place since.
She has the same impish smile that her two brothers possess, but she generally wields it to greater effect.
She brings joy.
She has no map.
She is her own compass.
Toodles,
Paul
P.S. Maps remains the Yeah Yeah Yeahs most successful song. This version is stripped back, played with strings, and performed live before an audience in the Royal Albert Hall. It , like you,, is simply glorious.
