Me and a statue outside a wee church in Spain

The Worst Thing

“What’s the matter with him? (He’s alright)
I’ll see his face (the Lord won’t mind)
Don’t play no games (he’s alright)
Love from the bottom to the top
Turn like a wheel (he’s alright)
See for yourself (the Lord won’t mind)
We’re gonna move (right now)
Turn like a wheel inside a wheel”

– Slippery People – Talking Heads

This week, so far, I wrote about fields, not areas of expertise, actual fields , where cattle graze, did a volunteer delivery for a pharmacy, photographed Dan’s Hut, went for a walk with my Soulmate, held hands and felt like a teenager, agonised and laboured over a new website for someone who ended up not liking it, decided against putting our bedroom curtains back up overnight in the midst of painting it and then sat awake counting the lorries collecting chickens from Chrissies giant chicken house through the night, wrote and then told a story about Pasta via Zoom on Tenx9, chatted with the kids after dinner which I already appreciate is precious and wouldn’t be happening as regularly only for the THING, bought MilkDuds and Ding Dongs and then remembered I don’t like Ding Dongs, recorded but have not watched ‘Searching For Sugarman’, ‘The Secret Policeman’s Other Ball’ and ‘The Rise & Fall of Reginald Perrin’, bought ‘Decoded’ and also ‘attended’ an online marketing conference and realised that they are all just watching Rory Sutherland videos and retelling his anecdotes as their own, found another connection between Benjamin Franklin and Monaghan, argued with Gerry about the size of Vitruvian man’s appendage, saw a beautiful sunset, ran in Rossmore Park with Lazarus and Mary, did a pharmacy run to Lisaraw and then did it again as they’d forgotten to include something the first time which normally would have irked me a little but I’d passed by a wee derelict cottage before I’d a chance to photograph it so was glad to go back, because we rarely get the chance to go back, saw a picture of one of Joe Mallon’s new mugs and now my life won’t be complete unless I have one, didn’t kill my brother Stephen when he hid in his own office in order to scare the living daylights out of me when I went to say ‘Goodbye’ and now he’s annoyed that I don’t say ‘Goodbye’ to him when I’m leaving, given up bread for Lent, argued that potato bread is not actually bread, eating a lot of potato bread, which really isn’t bread, argued with Robyn that I didn’t like Slowthai until she pointed out that he sang with the Gorillaz and that I’d asked her to listen to it, decided to make a simple family tea on Wednesday because we were all up to something and ended up cooking three different types of sausages and two types of eggs in order to comply with everyone’s dietary needs namely Mallons GF Turkey sausages, Linda McCartney’s Rosemary and Sage I can’t believe they’re not sausages, and Flemings Honey & Mustard god fearing proper sausages, argued with Elliott about eating the skin of duck when having confit of the aforementioned duck, I was for he was against, bought a new pair of plain white trainers, gave my old plain white trainers to Jake, got miffed with my Soulmate when she made a fuss about Jake’s new trainers when she never made a fuss about them when they were new to me, gave away a tiny radio to a relative who’s in hospital because I didn’t need it, and now look for the little radio every time I’m in the kitchen…..

And then I went for a checkup and my normally sane and rational doctor , whom I’ve previously regarded as a living saint, said the worst thing anyone’s ever said to me , mid checkup , while checking something, he commented on the thing he was checking, saying that it was in good condition for “…a man of your years.”

Eh, hello ? A man of your years ? WTAF ?

A man of your years ???

I even know who Slowthai is ! Yes, OK, technically if I’d had the checkup a day earlier I wouldn’t have known who Slowthai was, but …’A man of your years’ ? Seriously ? I bought a new Nick Cave tee shirt this week ! And Ding Dongs !

A man of your years ? Who says that ? Are you even a real doctor ? You’ve just checked my prostrate and now that’s not the worst thing that’s happened to me in the last 15 minutes.

Of course when he said it, I smiled and nodded, I was in shock, and also relieved that I wasn’t dying…again, so I didn’t say anything.

It’s all I’ve thought of since…apart from all that other stuff…

So, if you would like me to send you a box of joy from Monaghan , containing a limited edition jar of Rossmore Revels , a little box of handmade truffles by Its Roxy Pops , and  a jar of Ballybay Mix, all you have to do is tell me something that annoyed you this week that shouldn’t  AND something that made you smile.

Toodles ,

P.S. This is ‘Momentary Bliss‘ by Gorillaz…and Slowthai

Author: paul

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